Close encounters of the deer kind....

I love all things in nature, except for mosquitoes and roaches. But the brazen deer around here get on my damn nerves. And I'm not even a gardener.

A couple of years ago, I was driving thru suburbia, on a dark residential road. All of a sudden, I see two little shiny objects floating in the air in front of my car that look, strangely enough, like eyeballs. I realize, because I am smart, that this is one big friggin' dog that I'm about to hit. Then I recognize a cute little bambi tail and it sinks in that this a DEER, not dog. So I think semi-quickly and swerve towards it's cute little ass, because - according to the local lore - this is the proper procedure to avoid hitting said deer because twitchy, dumbass deer keep running in the same direction as when you first scared the shit out of it with your headlights. Therefore it theorectically should not run back into the middle of the road that you are swerving across. So I swerve and the tricky bastard scampers off into the woods - after causing me much alarm and rubber on the road.

But what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a SECOND tricky little bastard deer! (Because deer travel in gaggles to avoid bad deer hoodlums in suburbia.) This second deer ran smack into the side of my car, splatting mud and deer hair all over my car! (I could also swear I heard it say the deer version of "Holy shit!" and then "OOOF" when it ran into my car.) THEN it decides to get the hell out of the road because roads were apparently built for these weird metal things called cars, not for deer traveling in gaggles, so it SCRAMBLES OVER MY CAR (denting the trim and breaking off the side view mirror) and into the woods beyond, where the original tricky deer bastard is waiting in the shadows. I'm sure they met up and laughed gleefully at their victim, victorious in their plot to free these 'roads' from the pesky 'cars' that travel on them, so they can roam freely thru suburbia once again, eating everyone's gardens.

And to top it all off, MY insurance goes up because I had an animal collision. That tricky little bastard collided with ME, not the other way around! Come on now! Grr...