I find traffic in the Baltimore-Washington DC area to be highly amusing sometimes. Yesterday, a heard of buffalo/bison (what IS the difference? Is there one?) got loose from wandering on their own range and ranged near I-695 aka the Bmore beltway, where they were corralled into a tennis court by the police. CNN picked it up and was showing clips all day. It was pretty funny. Here it is from the local channel.
http://www.thewbalchannel.com/news/4415797/detail.html
When asked what he learned since starting work Tuesday, Baltimore County Police Cpl. Al Friedman told 11 News: "Buffalo are very hard-headed."
Another amusing happenstance: a local road was flooded. Not because of rain, but because of a BEAVER DAM. They were re-located across the road to a wildlife refuge.
Other funny things I have seen on the beltways (Baltimore's and the Capital beltway): last week, an armored car lost it's load on an entrance ramp onto the Bmore beltway. There was change EVERYWHERE. Even tho I was stuck sitting in the traffic jam it caused, it was still highly amusing to watch a handful of police and the poor guys from the armored car company frantically sweeping change off the highway, while another handful of guys were even more frantically trying to pick up the change and put it back in the little secure bags, all the while knowing that thousands of people are staring at them with ill will as they inched by.
In one week on the beltways a few years ago, there was a truck full of frozen chicken that lost it's load, a Snapple truck that lost it's load, an ice cream truck that lost it's load, and a truck full of potatoes that caught fire. And what do hot potatoes do? They EXPLODE. So there was chicken, mashed potatoes, iced tea to drink, and ice cream for dessert. An ENTIRE dinner (green vegetables be damned! Gimme carbs!) all in one week. That one is my favorite.
4.14.2005
Ch ch changes
The past year in my life has been so full of changes, good and bad, that it's hard to remember what my life was like before. This, again, is good and bad. Will I ever reach the point where I can coast and take it for granted that things in my life, like my mate, my job, and my family will always be at least similar from month to month? Or is that a naive, unrealistic hope?
Let me chronicle what has happened in the past year - all of 'life's major stresses' and then some. This in no way is a 'poor me' post, BTW. Journaling just helps me gain some perspective on where I've been and where I want to go. I know you are supposed to do these in December or January, but hey what can I say - I am chronically late.
Anyway, here it is in a nutshell:
January 2004: left my husband, C, of 9 years and moved in with a good friend M. (hard, but good) The marriage was definitely dead from my perspective after 4 years of living in quiet desperation.
February 2004: C was stalking me, calling, showing up at the house, threatening to sue for everything he could think of... and found out my highschool sweetheart, P, (whom I had been talking to for several months and planning on seeing and maybe trying things out with) was dating someone else, which effectively ended any future plans of us being together (bad at the time, but good in a way, in hindsight. Made me finally let go of a memory of happiness and try to find real happiness instead.)
March 2004: started dating in earnest again. Liked the feeling of getting back out there, but felt very lonely at the same time. Oldest daughter, L, diagnosed with ADHD. Dad resigns job due to health reasons. (very bad) Dad then finds out Mom is having an affair. (very very bad)
April 2004: met and started dating R, my current boyfriend. This is a long-distance relationship from the start, which would be difficult, but force us to get to know each other on a deeper level if we could maintain the communication and not lose interest in each other, so we would therefore visit each other monthly (good then and good now, but with some very rough spots in between, because he is a frog.)
May 2004: Dad diagnosed with colon cancer, on my parents anniversary. This speaks volumes about their marriage. (very very bad)
June 2004: flew home to see Dad in hospital. Dad has surgery and emergency surgery (very bad), but is otherwise ok. Cancer is gone and he is in remission. (very good) R tells me he loves me (very good). Flew to see R for the first time since he left. Good but strange because after all the talking, we didn't know each other in person very well.
July 2004: R comes to see me. Good overall, but tense sometimes because it is the first time he has been home since he left, and when he left, he had just broken up with a long term girlfriend, so it felt odd to him to be here with me and not her.
August 2004: Quit job at TCS to work at much better, higher paying job at CON. (very good) M breaks her leg playing softball. (very bad) Flew to visit R. Good to see him, but a tense trip. Issues with differences in lifestyles had popped up.
September 2004: Turned 32. Decided my 32nd year wasn't really worth celebrating. New job is going very well. R comes to see me. This is the best weekend we have together, so far. Parents get hit by 2 hurricanes in a row. (not good) Youngest daughter, A, has unknown tumor in her cheek. (bad)
October 2004: Things with R are tense, but everything else is is pretty good. I flew to see him. He acts very weird. He's still sweet and attentive, but distant and won't look me in the eye. (bad)
November 2004: Find out WHY things are tense with R - he has been cheating on me. We decide to work things out, mainly because he's persuasive and I'm curious to see how we will get along once he's back in the same state. (very very bad)
December 2004: Laid off from my dream job at CON. This sucks in a major way because I really liked it there, and they liked me. Fortunately, it had nothing to do with job performance and everything to do with the company failing financially, which made me feel much better. I also got a severance package, so I wasn't destitute. Funny thing is, the timing was excellent because I ended up being able to spend 2 weeks over the holidays with R on a 'paid' vacation. A has a CT scan to see what the tumor in her cheek is. C goes berserk on ride home. My parents also visited my sister and I found out that now that my dad has more or less recovered from his surgery, he is not returning to the house with my mom, but is moving into an apartment some 80 miles north.
The year 2004 sums up like this: Move out, I start my divorce, L has ADHD, dad has cancer, meet great guy, A has tumor, find out guy is not so great, get laid off from job, parents separate.
So last year had every major 'life stress' I can think of, except death in the family. Sheesh.
Fortunately, 2005 has been better. I have a new job - the job itself is pretty cool, commute sucks, pay is way better. L is doing much better in school and hasn't required treatment or medication for ADHD this year and hopefully won't in the future. A's tumor is benign and vascular, so it should re-absorb by itself with no further medical intervention. The divorce from C is going - not well and not badly, but it is at least in progress now after a mandatory year wait.
R is home for good now. There's been some drama here and there between he and I, but nothing that was beyond redemption. We get along better than I had even imagined. It is so nice to have someone around who has the same laid back temperament that I do, instead of blowing up over every little thing, like C did.
Anyway, I hope 2005 is a better year. It's looking pretty good so far.
Let me chronicle what has happened in the past year - all of 'life's major stresses' and then some. This in no way is a 'poor me' post, BTW. Journaling just helps me gain some perspective on where I've been and where I want to go. I know you are supposed to do these in December or January, but hey what can I say - I am chronically late.
Anyway, here it is in a nutshell:
January 2004: left my husband, C, of 9 years and moved in with a good friend M. (hard, but good) The marriage was definitely dead from my perspective after 4 years of living in quiet desperation.
February 2004: C was stalking me, calling, showing up at the house, threatening to sue for everything he could think of... and found out my highschool sweetheart, P, (whom I had been talking to for several months and planning on seeing and maybe trying things out with) was dating someone else, which effectively ended any future plans of us being together (bad at the time, but good in a way, in hindsight. Made me finally let go of a memory of happiness and try to find real happiness instead.)
March 2004: started dating in earnest again. Liked the feeling of getting back out there, but felt very lonely at the same time. Oldest daughter, L, diagnosed with ADHD. Dad resigns job due to health reasons. (very bad) Dad then finds out Mom is having an affair. (very very bad)
April 2004: met and started dating R, my current boyfriend. This is a long-distance relationship from the start, which would be difficult, but force us to get to know each other on a deeper level if we could maintain the communication and not lose interest in each other, so we would therefore visit each other monthly (good then and good now, but with some very rough spots in between, because he is a frog.)
May 2004: Dad diagnosed with colon cancer, on my parents anniversary. This speaks volumes about their marriage. (very very bad)
June 2004: flew home to see Dad in hospital. Dad has surgery and emergency surgery (very bad), but is otherwise ok. Cancer is gone and he is in remission. (very good) R tells me he loves me (very good). Flew to see R for the first time since he left. Good but strange because after all the talking, we didn't know each other in person very well.
July 2004: R comes to see me. Good overall, but tense sometimes because it is the first time he has been home since he left, and when he left, he had just broken up with a long term girlfriend, so it felt odd to him to be here with me and not her.
August 2004: Quit job at TCS to work at much better, higher paying job at CON. (very good) M breaks her leg playing softball. (very bad) Flew to visit R. Good to see him, but a tense trip. Issues with differences in lifestyles had popped up.
September 2004: Turned 32. Decided my 32nd year wasn't really worth celebrating. New job is going very well. R comes to see me. This is the best weekend we have together, so far. Parents get hit by 2 hurricanes in a row. (not good) Youngest daughter, A, has unknown tumor in her cheek. (bad)
October 2004: Things with R are tense, but everything else is is pretty good. I flew to see him. He acts very weird. He's still sweet and attentive, but distant and won't look me in the eye. (bad)
November 2004: Find out WHY things are tense with R - he has been cheating on me. We decide to work things out, mainly because he's persuasive and I'm curious to see how we will get along once he's back in the same state. (very very bad)
December 2004: Laid off from my dream job at CON. This sucks in a major way because I really liked it there, and they liked me. Fortunately, it had nothing to do with job performance and everything to do with the company failing financially, which made me feel much better. I also got a severance package, so I wasn't destitute. Funny thing is, the timing was excellent because I ended up being able to spend 2 weeks over the holidays with R on a 'paid' vacation. A has a CT scan to see what the tumor in her cheek is. C goes berserk on ride home. My parents also visited my sister and I found out that now that my dad has more or less recovered from his surgery, he is not returning to the house with my mom, but is moving into an apartment some 80 miles north.
The year 2004 sums up like this: Move out, I start my divorce, L has ADHD, dad has cancer, meet great guy, A has tumor, find out guy is not so great, get laid off from job, parents separate.
So last year had every major 'life stress' I can think of, except death in the family. Sheesh.
Fortunately, 2005 has been better. I have a new job - the job itself is pretty cool, commute sucks, pay is way better. L is doing much better in school and hasn't required treatment or medication for ADHD this year and hopefully won't in the future. A's tumor is benign and vascular, so it should re-absorb by itself with no further medical intervention. The divorce from C is going - not well and not badly, but it is at least in progress now after a mandatory year wait.
R is home for good now. There's been some drama here and there between he and I, but nothing that was beyond redemption. We get along better than I had even imagined. It is so nice to have someone around who has the same laid back temperament that I do, instead of blowing up over every little thing, like C did.
Anyway, I hope 2005 is a better year. It's looking pretty good so far.
3.14.2005
Close encounters of the deer kind....
I love all things in nature, except for mosquitoes and roaches. But the brazen deer around here get on my damn nerves. And I'm not even a gardener.
A couple of years ago, I was driving thru suburbia, on a dark residential road. All of a sudden, I see two little shiny objects floating in the air in front of my car that look, strangely enough, like eyeballs. I realize, because I am smart, that this is one big friggin' dog that I'm about to hit. Then I recognize a cute little bambi tail and it sinks in that this a DEER, not dog. So I think semi-quickly and swerve towards it's cute little ass, because - according to the local lore - this is the proper procedure to avoid hitting said deer because twitchy, dumbass deer keep running in the same direction as when you first scared the shit out of it with your headlights. Therefore it theorectically should not run back into the middle of the road that you are swerving across. So I swerve and the tricky bastard scampers off into the woods - after causing me much alarm and rubber on the road.
But what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a SECOND tricky little bastard deer! (Because deer travel in gaggles to avoid bad deer hoodlums in suburbia.) This second deer ran smack into the side of my car, splatting mud and deer hair all over my car! (I could also swear I heard it say the deer version of "Holy shit!" and then "OOOF" when it ran into my car.) THEN it decides to get the hell out of the road because roads were apparently built for these weird metal things called cars, not for deer traveling in gaggles, so it SCRAMBLES OVER MY CAR (denting the trim and breaking off the side view mirror) and into the woods beyond, where the original tricky deer bastard is waiting in the shadows. I'm sure they met up and laughed gleefully at their victim, victorious in their plot to free these 'roads' from the pesky 'cars' that travel on them, so they can roam freely thru suburbia once again, eating everyone's gardens.
And to top it all off, MY insurance goes up because I had an animal collision. That tricky little bastard collided with ME, not the other way around! Come on now! Grr...
A couple of years ago, I was driving thru suburbia, on a dark residential road. All of a sudden, I see two little shiny objects floating in the air in front of my car that look, strangely enough, like eyeballs. I realize, because I am smart, that this is one big friggin' dog that I'm about to hit. Then I recognize a cute little bambi tail and it sinks in that this a DEER, not dog. So I think semi-quickly and swerve towards it's cute little ass, because - according to the local lore - this is the proper procedure to avoid hitting said deer because twitchy, dumbass deer keep running in the same direction as when you first scared the shit out of it with your headlights. Therefore it theorectically should not run back into the middle of the road that you are swerving across. So I swerve and the tricky bastard scampers off into the woods - after causing me much alarm and rubber on the road.
But what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a SECOND tricky little bastard deer! (Because deer travel in gaggles to avoid bad deer hoodlums in suburbia.) This second deer ran smack into the side of my car, splatting mud and deer hair all over my car! (I could also swear I heard it say the deer version of "Holy shit!" and then "OOOF" when it ran into my car.) THEN it decides to get the hell out of the road because roads were apparently built for these weird metal things called cars, not for deer traveling in gaggles, so it SCRAMBLES OVER MY CAR (denting the trim and breaking off the side view mirror) and into the woods beyond, where the original tricky deer bastard is waiting in the shadows. I'm sure they met up and laughed gleefully at their victim, victorious in their plot to free these 'roads' from the pesky 'cars' that travel on them, so they can roam freely thru suburbia once again, eating everyone's gardens.
And to top it all off, MY insurance goes up because I had an animal collision. That tricky little bastard collided with ME, not the other way around! Come on now! Grr...
1.30.2005
Ribbit Ribbit
Where do I start? The history of my relationship or where it went horribly wrong?
Let me just say that I was in a long-distance relationship for 9 months with a guy that seemed like Prince Charming, but he definitely had a froggy side, he just hid his warts better. Don't get me wrong, we all have warts. But having warts from your past are completely different from developing big ugly warts WHILE you are with someone. But on with the story...
Well... (we all know where this is going), I found out a few months ago that he was cheating on me by receiving a call on my cell at work from a woman who was speaking so fast, I could hardly understand her. She told me that she had been dating-and having vigorous sex with- my boyfriend for the past 2 months and had fallen in love with him. I can't say I was completely surprised at the call from her, given his froggy behavior, but his lying is what really got me. She was crying and talking about God and all kinds of shit. I met her with stoney silence. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of breaking down in front of her, and I certainly wasn't going try to invoke a higher power to solve my own problems. What's funny is that I'm pagan and my boyfriend is atheist -which she didn't know- so her talking about God constantly in a not-so-subtle display of her dismay and hurt was more annoying than anything else. Besides, I have never been a big believer in histrionics, because I don't think they serve any purpose other than to make yourself look like a complete ass.
As a princess that has mucked her way thru the pond a time or two herself, I found myself wondering where should the 'boys will be boys' attitude end and the hurt and betrayal begin? I had been offering to let him date other people the WHOLE time he had been gone, but he kept saying no, he was happy with me, when the truth was that he just didn't want to share ME with anyone, but he was basically doing whatever he damn well pleased in the mean time, including having sex with this girl and numerous other inappropriate behavoirs. All the while I was turning down dates and staying faithful, when I could have been going out and getting froggy myself, but still keeping the long-term goal of seeing where things went when he got home. Apparently all frogs have double standards.
Anyway, I immediately confronted him about it and he surprised me by being a stand-up guy and admitting guilt without trying to back-peddle and lie even more. Prince Charming lurks in strange places. After talking for several hours (while he cried and felt guilty, I met him with calm, tear-free, soft-voiced disappointment. I can't tell you how much satisfaction that gave me to be the strong one while he wept, esp since I was the one that was betrayed. I cried when I saw him in person a week later, tho, dammit.) I told him that I didn't know what I wanted to do - end things or work them out. But if he wanted any chance with me to even talk, he had to give up wooing other potential princesses while he was in my courtyard and end things with her immediately. He agreed and said that he really did love me and he didn't really know why he did it... ribbit ribbit ribbit. Whatever, asshole.
Here's the thing that pokes holes in my calm exterior. The whole pretext of her call was that she found out that he had a girlfriend at home (me) and she didn't want to be the other woman because she had been cheated on before and knew what it was like to be betrayed. She called to tell me that he was, in fact, a frog, even tho he acted like Prince Charming. So he went to his room to break things off with her and told her that he was choosing me over her, that he really loved me and while he cared about her as a person, he wanted to try to work things out with me. At least that's what he told me he told her.
Well, she completely caved and said that she would do anything to stay with him, including pretending like she had never found out about me and they would just go on as things had been - INCLUDING my relationship with him. She was perfectly willing to be the other woman to carry on with him behind my back once she found out that she wasn't the victor in our little contest. WTF?!?!
Then she said that she thought that he would go back to her after he saw me the next weekend, which pissed me off even more. I've seen this girl, and I honestly don't think she is all that. She's sexy, in a way, but given her behavior, that negates any attraction that I could see happening. Who really wants to put up with drama all the time? Besides, not to toot my own horn, but I think I have a lot to offer a guy in a relationship. I'm smart, sweet, non-judgemental most of the time, very considerate and nurturing, and I have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm not too bad in the looks department and very open in the sack. I have many flaws, of course, but as long as the guy is reasonably considerate towards me, I will treat him like a prince, and not the frog that I know he really is. So who is she to say that he's going to drop me like a hot rock when he sees me? I guess she was trying to get her little digs in where she could. I had sympathy for her at first, because he was playing us both, but I lost all respect for her in the following months.
Since then, she has been a royal nightmare. She STILL contacts him and tells him that she loves him and misses him and would do anything to be with him, which includes lying to him about me. When she couldn't win him back on her own merit, she decided to try to undermine his trust in me instead, saying that I've been in touch with other guys and talking about him behind his back and have been harassing her, which is not even remotely close to true. (I HAVE been sorely tempted to contact her when I saw she was online, but I never have.) She even had a friend IM me and say that they were still in contact and he was still calling her and telling her that he loved her and missed her. I have no idea whether or not that is true, since both my man and the other woamn have both established their abilities to lie so well.
It is a moot point now anyway because the role has been reversed and he's back in the same state with me (staying with me, in fact) and 1500 miles away from her. Unfortunately, NOW she says she is pregnant, even tho she originally told him that her tubes were tied. Is she really pregnant? If she is, is the baby his? Time will tell.
We decided to stay together, mainly because he is persuasive and I was curious to see how we would be together when he got home. Things have been going very well between he and I, with minor trust hiccups on both sides. He is home for good now, which makes things a hell of a lot easier for us.
The funny thing is, the frog side of him made me trust him more as a person in a way because I knew he was too good to be true, and I found out that he was. I was therefore curbing my own behavior to try and please him, like most women do. But since I found out that he certainly isn't perfect and has no leeway to be judgemental at all, I actual feel like I can be more open and honest with him about everything now, even in bed, than I did before I found out about the drama queen and her cronies.
See, besides the other woman thing, he is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. He's sweet and kind, considerate, well-mannered, affectionate, sensitive without being a wuss, has a great sense of humor, he's hot as hell, and a fantastic lover. We have so much in common and like so much of the same stuff, it is scary. Sigh...
So my quandry is, I really love Prince Charming, but the frog side of him has my princess panties in a twist. What is a princess to do?
Let me just say that I was in a long-distance relationship for 9 months with a guy that seemed like Prince Charming, but he definitely had a froggy side, he just hid his warts better. Don't get me wrong, we all have warts. But having warts from your past are completely different from developing big ugly warts WHILE you are with someone. But on with the story...
Well... (we all know where this is going), I found out a few months ago that he was cheating on me by receiving a call on my cell at work from a woman who was speaking so fast, I could hardly understand her. She told me that she had been dating-and having vigorous sex with- my boyfriend for the past 2 months and had fallen in love with him. I can't say I was completely surprised at the call from her, given his froggy behavior, but his lying is what really got me. She was crying and talking about God and all kinds of shit. I met her with stoney silence. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of breaking down in front of her, and I certainly wasn't going try to invoke a higher power to solve my own problems. What's funny is that I'm pagan and my boyfriend is atheist -which she didn't know- so her talking about God constantly in a not-so-subtle display of her dismay and hurt was more annoying than anything else. Besides, I have never been a big believer in histrionics, because I don't think they serve any purpose other than to make yourself look like a complete ass.
As a princess that has mucked her way thru the pond a time or two herself, I found myself wondering where should the 'boys will be boys' attitude end and the hurt and betrayal begin? I had been offering to let him date other people the WHOLE time he had been gone, but he kept saying no, he was happy with me, when the truth was that he just didn't want to share ME with anyone, but he was basically doing whatever he damn well pleased in the mean time, including having sex with this girl and numerous other inappropriate behavoirs. All the while I was turning down dates and staying faithful, when I could have been going out and getting froggy myself, but still keeping the long-term goal of seeing where things went when he got home. Apparently all frogs have double standards.
Anyway, I immediately confronted him about it and he surprised me by being a stand-up guy and admitting guilt without trying to back-peddle and lie even more. Prince Charming lurks in strange places. After talking for several hours (while he cried and felt guilty, I met him with calm, tear-free, soft-voiced disappointment. I can't tell you how much satisfaction that gave me to be the strong one while he wept, esp since I was the one that was betrayed. I cried when I saw him in person a week later, tho, dammit.) I told him that I didn't know what I wanted to do - end things or work them out. But if he wanted any chance with me to even talk, he had to give up wooing other potential princesses while he was in my courtyard and end things with her immediately. He agreed and said that he really did love me and he didn't really know why he did it... ribbit ribbit ribbit. Whatever, asshole.
Here's the thing that pokes holes in my calm exterior. The whole pretext of her call was that she found out that he had a girlfriend at home (me) and she didn't want to be the other woman because she had been cheated on before and knew what it was like to be betrayed. She called to tell me that he was, in fact, a frog, even tho he acted like Prince Charming. So he went to his room to break things off with her and told her that he was choosing me over her, that he really loved me and while he cared about her as a person, he wanted to try to work things out with me. At least that's what he told me he told her.
Well, she completely caved and said that she would do anything to stay with him, including pretending like she had never found out about me and they would just go on as things had been - INCLUDING my relationship with him. She was perfectly willing to be the other woman to carry on with him behind my back once she found out that she wasn't the victor in our little contest. WTF?!?!
Then she said that she thought that he would go back to her after he saw me the next weekend, which pissed me off even more. I've seen this girl, and I honestly don't think she is all that. She's sexy, in a way, but given her behavior, that negates any attraction that I could see happening. Who really wants to put up with drama all the time? Besides, not to toot my own horn, but I think I have a lot to offer a guy in a relationship. I'm smart, sweet, non-judgemental most of the time, very considerate and nurturing, and I have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm not too bad in the looks department and very open in the sack. I have many flaws, of course, but as long as the guy is reasonably considerate towards me, I will treat him like a prince, and not the frog that I know he really is. So who is she to say that he's going to drop me like a hot rock when he sees me? I guess she was trying to get her little digs in where she could. I had sympathy for her at first, because he was playing us both, but I lost all respect for her in the following months.
Since then, she has been a royal nightmare. She STILL contacts him and tells him that she loves him and misses him and would do anything to be with him, which includes lying to him about me. When she couldn't win him back on her own merit, she decided to try to undermine his trust in me instead, saying that I've been in touch with other guys and talking about him behind his back and have been harassing her, which is not even remotely close to true. (I HAVE been sorely tempted to contact her when I saw she was online, but I never have.) She even had a friend IM me and say that they were still in contact and he was still calling her and telling her that he loved her and missed her. I have no idea whether or not that is true, since both my man and the other woamn have both established their abilities to lie so well.
It is a moot point now anyway because the role has been reversed and he's back in the same state with me (staying with me, in fact) and 1500 miles away from her. Unfortunately, NOW she says she is pregnant, even tho she originally told him that her tubes were tied. Is she really pregnant? If she is, is the baby his? Time will tell.
We decided to stay together, mainly because he is persuasive and I was curious to see how we would be together when he got home. Things have been going very well between he and I, with minor trust hiccups on both sides. He is home for good now, which makes things a hell of a lot easier for us.
The funny thing is, the frog side of him made me trust him more as a person in a way because I knew he was too good to be true, and I found out that he was. I was therefore curbing my own behavior to try and please him, like most women do. But since I found out that he certainly isn't perfect and has no leeway to be judgemental at all, I actual feel like I can be more open and honest with him about everything now, even in bed, than I did before I found out about the drama queen and her cronies.
See, besides the other woman thing, he is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. He's sweet and kind, considerate, well-mannered, affectionate, sensitive without being a wuss, has a great sense of humor, he's hot as hell, and a fantastic lover. We have so much in common and like so much of the same stuff, it is scary. Sigh...
So my quandry is, I really love Prince Charming, but the frog side of him has my princess panties in a twist. What is a princess to do?
10.29.2004
To the friendly skies and the men in them
Oh friendly skies, why oh why do you insist on trying to seat me with the most pathetic of men? Here's a small sample of the men I have met on planes in the last year.
1. The Bush Administration guy - you were actually quite attractive in a distinguished older guy kinda way and being the commissioner of a federal agency under the Bush administration isn't too shabby, considering I've never been a Hill staff ass(istant). What ruined it for me was when you got on the plane and were trying to put your bag in the overhead compartment, you whined like a punkassed little bitch about how much room there wasn't in the overhead compartment. You whined so much, I felt compelled to ask you if you needed a more absorbent tampon, but I held my tongue and nodded sympathetically instead so you would sit down and shut the fuck up so we could take off. For a man that travels that much, you think you would know that when you're the last to board a plane, there is hardly any room for YOU, much less your luggage and your uneaten smelly cheesesteak. WTF were you thinking? Therefore, finding out that you had just had pizza at the White House a few nights before did not impress me, especially after the fact that your mother called when we landed. So even tho you gave me your card and you asked me out to dinner, I won't be calling you to set up that date. BTW, having your card with all your pertinent work info provides much entertainment as I contemplate the potential of embarrassing Dubya with pictures of one of his close, personal friends, biggest fund-raisers, and administration members seen in compromising positions with a pagan girl that's half his age and a Dem to boot. Not that I would actually do that, but damn, that would be funny.
2. The ESPN soccer guy - you weren't a lecherous perv, and it's cool that you work for ESPN, but I don't know shit about pig farming. How the hell did the conversation go from setting up the film crew for a soccer game to pig farming in Florida? Is it because I have a few freckles, ergo, I know a lot about farming? Who the hell wants to farm pigs anyway? Just shut up so I can sleep.
3. The Memphis musician and the soldier sitting next to him that had vodka in his 7UP bottle - I appreciated the offer from both of you to hook up for drinks while we were all in the same town, but how are you going to escape from your girlriends that met you at the gate to meet me for those drinks? Hmm? I think you were thinking with your little heads, not your big ones. And I KNOW that I mentioned that I was meeting my boyfriend, too. Why would I drop hot sex with a great guy to meet strangers out for a drink? I don't know. Do you?
And my personal favorite:
4. The drunk "I used to race motorcycles, but I crashed because I'm an idiot and now I'm a loser car salesman" guy - I tried desperately to pretend like I was sleeping, but you kept jabbering away. I can appreciate your need for Jack Daniels and pain killers, and I can sympathize with a sucky marriage, but I wasn't impressed with the $2K in cash you were flashing. Nor was I impressed with the fact that even tho your dick isn't all that long, it's bent like a g-spot vibrator, which seems to impress women you tell about it. Hmm. I really am happy for you, but I have A BOYFRIEND WHO I MENTIONED SEVERAL TIMES THAT I WAS FLYING TO SEE and my own vibrators which aren't attached to drunk married sleazebags. I found it touching (read: embarrassing and annoying) when you bribed the flight attendent to come up and say that we looked like a nice couple, and ESPECIALLY found it touching when you grabbed my hand and wrote DON'T FORGET ME, EVEN THO YOU THINK I'M A JERK with a black ball point pen right before we landed. BTW, my boyfriend was waiting for me right outside the gate, so I had to high tail it to the bathroom and scrub my hand for 5 minutes to get that fucking ink off before he saw it, you asshat, so that I could maintain my dignity without having to explain how I got some unintelligble bullshit scrawled on my hand by an inebriated jerk-off. Thank god that was a short flight.
And all the while, the other passengers around me sat and quietly chuckled in the their contraband Starbucks cups and never offered any interference or assistance whatsoever. Not even the flight attendants. Chivalry is definitely fucking dead in DC.
So friendly skies, have some mercy on the girls who fly in you and let us sit next to nice old men (or women) who snore the whole time.
1. The Bush Administration guy - you were actually quite attractive in a distinguished older guy kinda way and being the commissioner of a federal agency under the Bush administration isn't too shabby, considering I've never been a Hill staff ass(istant). What ruined it for me was when you got on the plane and were trying to put your bag in the overhead compartment, you whined like a punkassed little bitch about how much room there wasn't in the overhead compartment. You whined so much, I felt compelled to ask you if you needed a more absorbent tampon, but I held my tongue and nodded sympathetically instead so you would sit down and shut the fuck up so we could take off. For a man that travels that much, you think you would know that when you're the last to board a plane, there is hardly any room for YOU, much less your luggage and your uneaten smelly cheesesteak. WTF were you thinking? Therefore, finding out that you had just had pizza at the White House a few nights before did not impress me, especially after the fact that your mother called when we landed. So even tho you gave me your card and you asked me out to dinner, I won't be calling you to set up that date. BTW, having your card with all your pertinent work info provides much entertainment as I contemplate the potential of embarrassing Dubya with pictures of one of his close, personal friends, biggest fund-raisers, and administration members seen in compromising positions with a pagan girl that's half his age and a Dem to boot. Not that I would actually do that, but damn, that would be funny.
2. The ESPN soccer guy - you weren't a lecherous perv, and it's cool that you work for ESPN, but I don't know shit about pig farming. How the hell did the conversation go from setting up the film crew for a soccer game to pig farming in Florida? Is it because I have a few freckles, ergo, I know a lot about farming? Who the hell wants to farm pigs anyway? Just shut up so I can sleep.
3. The Memphis musician and the soldier sitting next to him that had vodka in his 7UP bottle - I appreciated the offer from both of you to hook up for drinks while we were all in the same town, but how are you going to escape from your girlriends that met you at the gate to meet me for those drinks? Hmm? I think you were thinking with your little heads, not your big ones. And I KNOW that I mentioned that I was meeting my boyfriend, too. Why would I drop hot sex with a great guy to meet strangers out for a drink? I don't know. Do you?
And my personal favorite:
4. The drunk "I used to race motorcycles, but I crashed because I'm an idiot and now I'm a loser car salesman" guy - I tried desperately to pretend like I was sleeping, but you kept jabbering away. I can appreciate your need for Jack Daniels and pain killers, and I can sympathize with a sucky marriage, but I wasn't impressed with the $2K in cash you were flashing. Nor was I impressed with the fact that even tho your dick isn't all that long, it's bent like a g-spot vibrator, which seems to impress women you tell about it. Hmm. I really am happy for you, but I have A BOYFRIEND WHO I MENTIONED SEVERAL TIMES THAT I WAS FLYING TO SEE and my own vibrators which aren't attached to drunk married sleazebags. I found it touching (read: embarrassing and annoying) when you bribed the flight attendent to come up and say that we looked like a nice couple, and ESPECIALLY found it touching when you grabbed my hand and wrote DON'T FORGET ME, EVEN THO YOU THINK I'M A JERK with a black ball point pen right before we landed. BTW, my boyfriend was waiting for me right outside the gate, so I had to high tail it to the bathroom and scrub my hand for 5 minutes to get that fucking ink off before he saw it, you asshat, so that I could maintain my dignity without having to explain how I got some unintelligble bullshit scrawled on my hand by an inebriated jerk-off. Thank god that was a short flight.
And all the while, the other passengers around me sat and quietly chuckled in the their contraband Starbucks cups and never offered any interference or assistance whatsoever. Not even the flight attendants. Chivalry is definitely fucking dead in DC.
So friendly skies, have some mercy on the girls who fly in you and let us sit next to nice old men (or women) who snore the whole time.
10.19.2004
Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?
A friend of mine has now reached the ultimate pinnacle of low blows as far as relationships are concerned- she is having an affair with a married co-worker, and says she's in love with him.
To me, this is the worst kind of selfish behavior. I know they are two consenting adults, and his marriage is on very shakey ground, but still. In regards to him, he says and acts like he's a stand-up guy in all other respects, but isn't the stand-up thing to do is to let your feelings be known to your spouse BEFORE you start a relationship with someone else?
And in regards to her, since when is it okay to poach other girl's guys - especially married ones? Don't girls like us despise the girls that do that? Is it ever okay to become one of those girls who has no respect for boundaries, and approaches relationships with the Machiavellian outlook of 'he's what I want for right now' and other people and their pre-existing lives be damned?
WTF is she thinking?!?
To me, this is the worst kind of selfish behavior. I know they are two consenting adults, and his marriage is on very shakey ground, but still. In regards to him, he says and acts like he's a stand-up guy in all other respects, but isn't the stand-up thing to do is to let your feelings be known to your spouse BEFORE you start a relationship with someone else?
And in regards to her, since when is it okay to poach other girl's guys - especially married ones? Don't girls like us despise the girls that do that? Is it ever okay to become one of those girls who has no respect for boundaries, and approaches relationships with the Machiavellian outlook of 'he's what I want for right now' and other people and their pre-existing lives be damned?
WTF is she thinking?!?
Cosmic Justice
I think a higher power just taught me a lesson.
I came into work, logged in, chatted with my co-worker, answered an email, then snuck off to Starbucks to get some coffee. After I got my coffee, I walked outside to my car, stepped on a wet leaf, slid about 3 feet, then landed right on my ass, without spilling a drop of my coffee!! LOL
Guess I shouldn't sneak out for coffee when I should be working.
I came into work, logged in, chatted with my co-worker, answered an email, then snuck off to Starbucks to get some coffee. After I got my coffee, I walked outside to my car, stepped on a wet leaf, slid about 3 feet, then landed right on my ass, without spilling a drop of my coffee!! LOL
Guess I shouldn't sneak out for coffee when I should be working.
8.20.2004
Not-so-taboo Tattoos, Part Deux
This seedy tattoo parlor is where I returned one fine day when I was bored and thinking about tattoos - I know, I'm a glutton for punishment. I walked in and looked at the yellowed flash on the walls, and only saw the typical Popeye the Sailor Man type tattoos, mixed with tribal and biker tattoos. Until I spied a pretty little mermaid with flowing brunette hair and a fluid tail. 'Hmm...,' I thought. She needed some adjusting (her tail was originally freakishly long and wrapped around an ugly piece of coral, and she had bright red nipples - WTF?), but this tattoo was the first tattoo I saw that really stood out. I asked about the pricing and stood there and thought about it, then decided to bite the bullet and get it done right then and there before I chickened out. Besides, what fun is there in life without impulsive and wreckless decisions?
Now it's 2004, and my life has completely changed. I'm getting divorced (thank god), I have a different job, different house, a new man (who has a couple of very cool and VERY sexy tattoos, I might add) and I still have my pretty little mermaid tattoo.
My philosophy on tattoos is this (you knew this was coming): I think tattoos should represent the person who has them, symbolically or aesthetically, in some way. They are, after all, a permanent decoration on your skin. I don't get the 'random tattoo' thing, like at tattoo conventions where people just pick something and have it done, for no particular reason. What if you were in a weird mood, and end up hating it the next day? Having a tattoo removed is a much more painful, laborious, and expensive process than getting one, by far. My man has a tattoo of a cross-like dagger with a sun on the cross piece of the hilt. It doesn't mean anything in particular, but it is a very intricate, well done tattoo and suits him perfectly - and looks sexy as hell on his muscular arm. My tattoo represents one of my daughters, and I plan on getting another mermaid to represent my other daughter very soon. I will never regret my tattoos, because I will always love my daughters.
But, of course, I still want MORE tattoos. A few water lillies to go with the mermaids, and something flowing and pretty on my lower back... I'm finally planning my 'target' tattoo.
Now it's 2004, and my life has completely changed. I'm getting divorced (thank god), I have a different job, different house, a new man (who has a couple of very cool and VERY sexy tattoos, I might add) and I still have my pretty little mermaid tattoo.
My philosophy on tattoos is this (you knew this was coming): I think tattoos should represent the person who has them, symbolically or aesthetically, in some way. They are, after all, a permanent decoration on your skin. I don't get the 'random tattoo' thing, like at tattoo conventions where people just pick something and have it done, for no particular reason. What if you were in a weird mood, and end up hating it the next day? Having a tattoo removed is a much more painful, laborious, and expensive process than getting one, by far. My man has a tattoo of a cross-like dagger with a sun on the cross piece of the hilt. It doesn't mean anything in particular, but it is a very intricate, well done tattoo and suits him perfectly - and looks sexy as hell on his muscular arm. My tattoo represents one of my daughters, and I plan on getting another mermaid to represent my other daughter very soon. I will never regret my tattoos, because I will always love my daughters.
But, of course, I still want MORE tattoos. A few water lillies to go with the mermaids, and something flowing and pretty on my lower back... I'm finally planning my 'target' tattoo.
8.19.2004
Not-so-taboo Tattoos (alternate title: Why I Think Tattoos Are So Freakin' COOL!)
I, like most other nice, Southern, middle class, American girls who is part of what they call Generation X, was brought up to think that only bikers, macho military guys, and prisoners had tattoos and that no nice, self-respecting girl would have one.
Well, I find myself totally obsessed with tattoos.
I think it all started (insert dream sequence and harp music here) when a high school friend (purely platonic, mind you), got a big tattoo of a wolf that looked like it was ripping thru his arm, blood and all, right after we graduated from high school in 1990. For some strange reason, that tattoo gave me a secret little carnal thrill. I loved looking at that tattoo. The tattoo itself was a very well done tattoo, and all nice girls like rebellious boys, but I think it was the PERMANENCE that impressed me the most. I knew this tattoo would be on his arm FOREVER, and that, to me, was the most thrilling part - a permanent, if semi-barbaric, way to express yourself on your own skin!
Fast forward 3 years, to 1993. I have just returned from a 6 month stint of drunken debauchery in Tokyo, where I saw several models that were my age or younger, that had 'target' tattoos - the typical sun-on-fire tattoos on the small of their backs. That was the first time that I saw a tattoo on a girl in that area, and I thought it looked very hip and sexy. Once I got back to the States, I promptly made an appointment to get a tattoo of a yin and yang symbol on fire on the small of my back (okay, I admit, it wasn't very original) - until I walked into the tattoo parlor and overheard the tattooists talking about a wussy Marine who had cried like a baby when he got his tattoo. "Oh, hell no!" I thought, as I rapidly exited stage left.
Fast forward 9 years, to 2002. I have metamorphasized from a carefree, if penniless, bikini-clad Florida teenager to a yuppified wife, mother of 2 beautiful little girls, military veteran, and professional writer (of the technical species). The thought of a tattoo hasn't even flitted across my mind for more than a few fleeting seconds over the past 9 years.
Well, that's not EXACTLY true - I HAVE been in a tattoo parlor, replete with seedy facade, 70's era wood panelling, and yellowed flash on the walls, to get my belly button pierced. I know, I know, SAFE tattoos and peircings are all about hygiene, and she DID use an autoclave to sterilize the tools she used to pierce my skin, so all was not lost.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Well, I find myself totally obsessed with tattoos.
I think it all started (insert dream sequence and harp music here) when a high school friend (purely platonic, mind you), got a big tattoo of a wolf that looked like it was ripping thru his arm, blood and all, right after we graduated from high school in 1990. For some strange reason, that tattoo gave me a secret little carnal thrill. I loved looking at that tattoo. The tattoo itself was a very well done tattoo, and all nice girls like rebellious boys, but I think it was the PERMANENCE that impressed me the most. I knew this tattoo would be on his arm FOREVER, and that, to me, was the most thrilling part - a permanent, if semi-barbaric, way to express yourself on your own skin!
Fast forward 3 years, to 1993. I have just returned from a 6 month stint of drunken debauchery in Tokyo, where I saw several models that were my age or younger, that had 'target' tattoos - the typical sun-on-fire tattoos on the small of their backs. That was the first time that I saw a tattoo on a girl in that area, and I thought it looked very hip and sexy. Once I got back to the States, I promptly made an appointment to get a tattoo of a yin and yang symbol on fire on the small of my back (okay, I admit, it wasn't very original) - until I walked into the tattoo parlor and overheard the tattooists talking about a wussy Marine who had cried like a baby when he got his tattoo. "Oh, hell no!" I thought, as I rapidly exited stage left.
Fast forward 9 years, to 2002. I have metamorphasized from a carefree, if penniless, bikini-clad Florida teenager to a yuppified wife, mother of 2 beautiful little girls, military veteran, and professional writer (of the technical species). The thought of a tattoo hasn't even flitted across my mind for more than a few fleeting seconds over the past 9 years.
Well, that's not EXACTLY true - I HAVE been in a tattoo parlor, replete with seedy facade, 70's era wood panelling, and yellowed flash on the walls, to get my belly button pierced. I know, I know, SAFE tattoos and peircings are all about hygiene, and she DID use an autoclave to sterilize the tools she used to pierce my skin, so all was not lost.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Woo hoo!!
I finally have a place to publish all my innermost, private thoughts to the public! It's like brain porn! hahaha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
