I need more three day weekends

I had a great weekend. Went shopping, went to the beach, went to the movies, cooked out, took naps... it was very nice. I feel refreshed and renewed.

I hope all of you had a nice weekend and spent it doing things you enjoy.

As for me, I think I need another nap.

Just call me Melly

Inspired by Trouble's post on nicknames, here is the history of nicknames in my life:

My family referred to me by my normal name for most of my life. But sometimes my family called me Shelly (I seem to remember a Squid and a Squirrel being thrown into the mix by my dad every once in a while, too). In fact, in fourth grade, I moved to Florida (the first of three moves there) and there was already a girl in my class with my normal name, so my name became Shelly that year. It took me a while to get used to it.

It also morphed into several variations there of. My grandmother came up with Shelly Bean. That is my fave, just because it's cute.

Other nicknames over the years:
Mitch (yuck)
Misha (ta-dah!)
Jake (based of my former last name)

My sister and I had fun coming up with nicknames for each other.

To make fun of each other without make-up:

Me: John Cougar Mellencamp (due to shoulder length cut with a bad perm thrown on top in 7th grade)
Her: Dee Snider or Angus Young


But my favorite all time nicknames are based off the Little Rascals:

Me: Stanky (I had some stinky stinky feet when I was 13-14, probably because I never wore socks with my Keds.)

What was hers?

Fuckwheat.

I Can't Get No... Job Satisfaction

I apologize for the light posting the last couple of weeks - I've had quite a few deadlines at work. One big one is met, one keeps changing, and a few other urgent ones pop up in between. Joy.

For those of you who don't know, I am a technical writer. (Yes, I know you're choking in your caffeinated beverage right now - I know it' a scary thought to know that I write for a paycheck after reading my blog.) I write software manuals , and yes my docs are like the ones you get with a new computer or PC component/device (see, I broke out the technical jargon on you), but you, the end-user, would never see my technical prose. It's for corporate customers only. But I would LOVE to write for a gaming company. How cool would it be to write:

In 2E 864, the Redguards of Hammerfell rose in rebellion against the Imperial administration of Provincial Governor Amiel Richton. The Restless League, led by Cyrus and Iszara -- brother-and-sister agents of the province's hereditary rulers -- destroyed the Imperial fleet in Stros M'Kai harbor and routed the Legion garrison. With Admiral Richton dead, and Stros M'Kai in rebel hands, Emperor Tiber Septim was forced to sue for peace on terms favorable to Hammerfell. (from the Codex of The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

as opposed to:

This equipment has been tested and found to comply with the limits for a Class A digital device, pursuant to Part 15 of the FCC Rules. These limits are designed to provide reasonable protection against harmful interference when the equipment is operated in a commercial environment. This equipment generates, uses, and can radiate radio frequency energy and, if not installed and used in accordance with the instruction manual, may cause harmful interference to radio communications. Operation of this equipment in a residential area is likely to cause harmful interference in which case the user will be required to correct the interference at his own expense. (From the installation document I am currently working on.)

(Stop drooling and stabbing yourself in the eyeballs from boredom... I'm done.)

If I worked for a gaming company, I could live in a fantasy world LEGITIMATELY instead of it being considered SCREWING OFF. Of course, no ones knows I screw off as much as I do because all my work is correct and done on time. But still...

So excuse me while I wipe up the drool from my keyboard and get back to formatting.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Golddigga

In the car this morning:

Me: (singing badly) I ain't saying she's a golddigga, but she ain't messin' with no broke n****s...
Lauren: Mom, what's a golddigger?
Me: Uh...
Ashlyn: (being helpful) If she's a golddigger, she's a PIRATE!!

(DUH!)

She looks so sweet and innocent in this picture. Hopefully, she won't be a golddigga.



If she does this a few more times (kindergarten, elementary, middle, high school and college), then she won't be.



Sing it, Kanye!

Dear Mama

My extended Mother's Day:

Monday, May 8th: my Brownie troop gave me a peace plant and a card. Awwww.

Friday: The girls gave me cards and a necklace and flowers - that they made a couple hours earlier. They couldn't wait until Sunday.

Saturday: R took us all out to dinner.

Sunday: I woke up to Lauren declaring that they had let me sleep in for 2 hours and 23 minutes (it was 9:23 am) and that it was time to get up and eat the breakfast they made for me:



(read: a paper plate with Reeces Puff Cereal on one half and and Strawberry Frosted Mini-wheats on the other with a cold left-over pig in a blanket plopped in the middle with a glass of milk) YUMMY! Then they stood there and watched while I choked down a few Reeces Puffs and said, "MMMMMMMMMMMMM! This is so good! Thank you SOOOOOOOO much!" They were so pleased with themselves. It was so cute. Ashlyn asked me for the rest of the day if I had eaten all of it and I said of course I had! (ahem)

I am totally dreading losing my sweet, eager-to-please little girls to teen angst.

Our original plan was to have a picnic outside (we usually do on Mother's Day) after Lauren's soccer game, but the ex got the soccer fields confused and by the time we figured out where we were supposed to be, it was raining. So we trekked back home and had a picnic on the living room floor instead with sandwiches and chips and cookies and fresh roses from the only bush I haven't killed with my Black Thumb of Doom. Plants beware!

Speaking of plants, I sent my own mom a gardenia bush for Mother's Day - it's her favorite.

I realize I haven't written much about my mom on here, except a few mentions here and there. Sometimes I don't know what to say about her. I think I will leave my thoughts on her to a forthcoming post.

I hope Trouble, Nikki, Cinn, Virenda, Lena and CMHL had a happy Mom's Day!

Breakup Babe

It's here! The Breakup Babe book is here!

This is THE first blog I stumbled upon, many moons ago. I was so enraptured by the Babe's breakup, relationship recovery, and dating ups and downs that I read thru more than a year's worth of archives in 2 days. I could totally empathize and laugh along with the various man-happenings in her life. Plus, she's even a tech writer for a software company, like yours truly.

Now the book based on her blog is available thru Amazon.com! Yay!

Little known fact: this blog is the blog that inspired me to start my own blog.

(How many times can I put the word "blog" into a sentence?! Three! Three times! Moowhahaha!)

So go now! Reserve your copy today!

Ah... That's Better

Well, my internet at home is still down. While it is highly annoying, it has also been kinda cool because I have my boyfriend all to myself with no distractions because the exhusband has my girls this week.

I played hooky from work yesterday, so R and I slept late, watched tv, and hung out all day long... naked. It was great. No where to go, no place to be, nothing pressing to deal with. Aaaahhh.

We finally got our rears in gear and went to the 10 PM showing of Mission Impossible 3. Nothing very original, plot-wise, but it had some breath-taking special effects.

It's back to the grind today - I'm back at work and R has to work the next 3 nights in a row. So we're back to only seeing each other for a couple hours a day until Saturday. Booooo

But our little mini-vacation was just what we needed.

Who needs Calgon?!

Be vewy vewy quiet... we're hunting the puwple faiwie!

I'm tired and grouchy today because I got no sleep and got into an argument with R this morning. Add to that, it is Monday and chilly and raining. And to top it all off, my internet connection was down at home ALL WEEKEND LONG and is STILL down.

Excuse me while I foam at the mouth for a while.

*drool snort howl convulse drool*

Ok, that's a little better. On with the story.

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Many a child has wondered.. what do fairies do? I found out this weekend.

Fairies traipse thru the woods. Tra la la la

Fairies chase bubbles (while Fairie Mama runs around them snapping pictures).

Fairies plop down in the middle of a field to swill lemonade and fairie punch and devour french fries and blooming onions that will result in very stinky fairie poots later that evening that make little fairies giggle while holding their noses.

Fairie mamas also inhale frozen mochas and welcome the brain freeze because a caffeine rush is so desperately needed.

Kind strangers take pictures of fairies while they are still and disheveled, yet unsuspecting (well, sort of).

Lastly little fairies get disappointed (while Fairie Mama is highly annoyed) when they can't find the purple fairie with big wings to give them a prize that was promised to them at the entrance gate by fairie employees. Grr.

And lo, what is this group holding signs next to the entrance after a quarter mile walk from the parking fields? Why, it's right wing religious zealot muggles protesting a Fairie Festival! Huzzah! What's that you say, kind sir? That I'm going to hell if my young daughters and I play dress up for a while? That is very rude, kind sir, to try to scare my children. And I tell you as much and make you feel ashamed, as you should have. Double Grr.

And little do you know, you would get your comeuppance later that day, for when we left, I spied that you had stepped into a magical fairy ring... of hostile adult fairies and police.

Twinkle twinke, baby.

Whassahappenin', hot stuff?

What to write... what to write...

Should I tell you about the bellydance workshop that R and I went to last weekend? That would end up being a yawn-inducing list of "first we did this... then we did that..." and without any of you actually having been there (with the exception of the faboo Trelina) and without pictures... nah. I will note that I saw a guy semi-belly dance for the first time. He was dressed as a Pharaoh and danced to "I Wanna Be a Bellydancer" by the Red Elvises (very cool) and could actually roll his belly. I was tres impressed.

Should I tell you that this weekend, my girls and I are taking a jaunt into faerie world at the Faeire Festival and I am a total dork because my girls and I dressing up, wings and all (and all at my urging because I never really matured beyond the age of 11)? I might even post pictures as evidence of my dorkiness, if I remember to take the camera and remember to take any pictures.

Should I tell you about my various cats over the years (inspired by reading Nikki's post about her cat yesterday) and the funny stuff they did? About my first cat, Munchkin, who ran across the street (that she was deathly afraid of) to fetch me because she just started going into labor and was totally panicking? Of course, she ended up having her kittens on my bed and then ate the placentas (she must be related to Tom Cruise). Or how about Calvin, who bitch-slapped a guy (that I didn't like but was out on a date with as a favor to a friend) who tried to kiss me? He died last year, at the ripe old age age of 16 (the cat, not the guy). But how would you like to be the guy who got shut down by some chick AND her cat? heh

Should I talk about my constant over-use of parenthetical phrases?

How about this post's title, which has nothing to do with anything I actually wrote about? Can you guess the movie from which it came and the character (not the main one) who said it? Here's a hint: the main character gets felt up by her gandma in a non-lascivious way.

That's got you thinking, doesn't it?

Charlotte's Web

I was surfing Amazon.com looking for books that my 9 y/o daughter might enjoy this morning and I came across this review of Charlotte's Web.

This was my favorite book when I was about her age and I even named a stuffed animal "Wilbur." My Wilbur was a bear that had such short ears that it looked more like a hamster, but I loved him dearly, warts and all.

This review is just so touching and heartfelt, I had to share it.

*****************************

A spider upsets the bacon-makin', March 9, 2005

Reviewer:

Amanda Richards

I don't want you people getting all mushy, thinking this is a happy little children's story about loveable animals in a barn.

The character of the title is of course, a spider (you wouldn't expect any other creature to spin a web, now would you?). On closer examination, Charlotte is a rather big, hairy, spider - a barn spider, or garden orb web spider of the species Araneus Cavaticus. If I could show you a picture, you'd see that pretty as her web might be, and as good hearted as E. B. White makes her, she's quite horrid looking. Plus there's that whole capturing insects to drink their blood thing.

She starts out with the noble goal of saving the life of a little runty pig named Wilbur, and succeeds in making suckers out of the human population, obviously no geniuses themselves.

Then there's Fern, the little girl who makes like Pocahontas and stops her father from taking an axe to Wilbur just because he's a little stunted at birth. She remains a main character, considered slightly dotty, because she talks to the animals. She spends most of the story in the bottom of a barn, under the cow pens, next to the manure pile. Now there's a child destined to become a vet, or at least an animal psychiatrist.

The moral of the story is that if you want to eat ham or bacon, or bite into a nice juicy pork chop ever again, you'd better start getting rid of the spiders.

***********************

My only comment is this:

I need her recipe for pork chops because the only way mine ever come out "juicy" is when they are smothered in gravy.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm... gravy.