Players only loooove you when they're plaaaaying

The original post title for this was "Goodbye Ruby Tuesday" - gotta love the Stones. But have you ever tried thinking of song lyrics for every day of the week? I'm okay with Monday and Friday - those are nice, vague lyrics. Tuesday... well, it's morning and I am not encrusted in gems, so the 'Goodbye Ruby' part of that title seems kind of bizarre. I am seriously fucked for Wednesday and Thursday, unless I choose the days of the week descriptions from "Friday I'm In Love," and I certainly don't want my heart broken today or tomorrow according to those lyrics (look it up, non-Cure fan losers), so I find myself in a quandry. Argh

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So, as you can probably tell from the nonsensical bullshit about song lyrics stated above, I have been very scattered the last couple of days. Everything is a tangent. Heeellooooo ADHD. I started 2 posts yesterday and didn't finish/post them because *surprise* they make no sense.

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My weekend was very good. Saturday was spent sleeping late, then just chillin' with R, my man, all day. Sunday we slept late again, then hung out and got ready and went to dinner with Trelina and Russ, my bestest bud and her hubby. This sounds dorky, but when you are part of a couple, it's always nice to have another couple with whom to hang out and chill. We went to La Palapa in historic Ellicot City - it was very cool.

And I have been a bad friend since R got home from school and have been ignoring my friends because I prefer to spend most of my time with him, so it was nice for ALL of us to get out of the house, get liquored up and chow down.

We all had a great time, I think, and my faith in humanity was renewed. :)

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Speaking of R, things between he and I are going really well the majority of the time, which kind of surprises both of us, honestly, because we are around each other ALL THE TIME. I thought we would be sick of each other and the lack of privacy by now since we've been living together for 6 months, but we are both still eager to see each other every day. It's a nice feeling.

Our main problem with each other lies with other people. Other women he is/was involved with in my case, and other men I am/was involved with in his case.

I'm usually not the jealous type, but considering his past involvements WHILE he was dating me (allbeit long distance dating, so I have to cut him some slack there) I have some trust issues with him. From my point of view (because this is MY blog, dammit), he keeps in touch with so many women, alot of whom like him as more than a friend, that I feel like I'm part of a harem. What unsettles me the most is that sometimes I feel like if he and I were to split up, he would just roll right out of bed with me and into the next girl's bed, with no second thoughts or regrets. I mean, doesn't EVERYONE want to feel like they have more impact in their lover's life than that?

I reeeeaaaally don't like feeling insecure. I never really have before, so this is a new and unwelcome feeling. This is going to make me sound conceited, but in all my previous relationships, I always felt very very sure of the guy's feelings for me, and in most cases, that their feelings for me were stronger than my feelings for them. Which is just the way I liked it - in control. I always felt like I could walk away, no harm, no foul (at least to myself) and I always did.

I can think of three guys I dated (including recycled boyfriend and R.) that I didn't feel so secure with, and guess what? Those are the guys I liked/loved the most. In hindsight, I think I liked the challenge of trying to win them over and proving I was cooler, sweeter, and sexier than any other woman that was vying for their attention. I guess this is where competitiveness rears it's ugly head in my life. I'm not competitive in most things - sports, games, jobs, whatever. But in the game of love, I loooove to WIN.

For example, the weekend after I found out that R was cheating on me in Texas, he was due to fly into B-more for Thanksgiving. So what did I do? Pull the pathetic victim and meet him in tears? Noooooo. I met him at the airport in a tight sweater, wrap-around miniskirt, thigh high stockings, high heels, and no panties. I greeted him cooly at the security gate, we walked out to the parking garage, loaded his bag, and got in the car. Then I took his hand and slid it up my thigh to my freshly shaved kitty while I looked him in the eye and slowly smiled. His reaction? Instant arousal along with 'Holy shit, this girl is cool!' My thought process on this? 'I'll show him who to be begging to fuck, and it won't be some whiney, crying little bitch in Texas.' Needless to say, we didn't make it home for a loooong time, and I live 10 minutes from the airport.

You can't fuck with me, bitches, so don't even try.